Girl or Grown up woman?

WHICH ARE U??

GIRL OR WOMAN??

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
Grown women know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down.

Girls fake-moan, lay there and take the stabbing.
Grown women say, "Just stop", get up, get dressed and walk it out.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-- using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come.
Grown women make you come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e, don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special -- and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back -- and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women !!

LMAO! What's wrong with people

Dont try to catch ur partner

A couple was invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After some more to drink he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh! The same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" She said with unashamed sarcasm. 

To which the husband replied,

"Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad. Apparently he had a whale of a time."

SHOWERING: MAN Vs WOMAN

How Women Shower

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.

4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.

Men are like……

…..placemats
they only show up when there’s food on the table.

…..mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

…..bike helmets
they’re good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

…..government bonds
they take so long to mature.

…..copiers
you need them in reproduction but that’s about it.

…..lava lamps
fun to look at it but not all that bright.

…..bank accounts
without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.

…..high heels
they’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

…..curling irons
they’re always hot and always in your hair.

…..mini skirts
if your not careful they’ll creep up your legs.

…..handguns
keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

Types Of Girls

HARD DISK GIRLS:
she remembers everything, FOREVER

RAM GIRLS:
she forget about you, the moment turn her off

WINDOW GIRLS:
everyone know that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER GIRLS:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun

INTERNET GIRLS:
Difficult to access

SERVER GIRLS:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS:
She make horrible thing look beautiful

CD-ROM GIRLS:
She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL GIRLS:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .

VIRUS GIRLS:
Also known as “wife” when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don’t try uninstall her you will lose everything…

Women are the best vehicles in the world because

Reasons why Women are the best vehicles in the world:

—2 beautiful headlights in the front
—2 great bumpers at the back
—Self -lubricating when hot
—Finger touch ignition
—Automatic engine oil change every month
—Any type of piston fits.
—Multiple seating styles & adjustments
—-Great accessories
—Highest mileage 9months with just 5ml refill
—That’s why MEN are dying to get a ride

9 Words Women Use

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 (2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 (3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 (4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
 (5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 (6) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake
 (7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
 (8) Whatever : Is a woman’s way of saying *&^$ YOU!
 (9) Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.